A few weeks ago, I was really struggling with not feeling like I was cutting it in the wife, mother, and homemaker departments. Essentially I was questioning the successfulness of achieving my supposed identity. I'm sure that I am not the only one who has wondered whether they are meeting expectations. But the question that should be asked, is "Whose expectations am I trying to meet?" Are they God's expectations? My spouse's? Other people's? Or are they mine? (And are they reasonable?)
God, in His infinite wisdom, helped me with this issue through that Sunday's message called "Comparison's Curse" as well as through my amazing husband. I love how timely God is! Aaron spoke at church about how we, as Christians, look to the Bible and to other Christians to learn how to grow in our faith. The mistake we often make is to look at spiritual giants (or someone who excels in a particular area of spirituality) and then try to incorporate their "best practices" into our lives. There are a couple of problems with that. One - if we try to achieve everyone's best practices, we will be overwhelmed with all of this new work and ultimately fail in one or all of the areas. Two - we are different people and may not have been gifted in the same area(s) as others which will also cause us to fail. We then end up feeling miserable because we can't be just like those "super Christians".
I know that I have been guilty of this. It is definitely not bad to want to grow in our spirituality. It is not beneficial to try to be someone else. God did not make me Beth Moore Jr. or Donna Adams #2. He made me Megan Byrd, the one and only (although I do know a Meghan Byrd, but obviously the "h" makes us different). My job is to learn what God has gifted me with and then work to hone that ability for His good purposes.
That Sunday evening, I also had a conversation with my husband about my struggles with feeling inadequate/like a failure and he reminded me that he married ME, not some altered version of me. It felt so good to receive such acceptance and love from my spouse. He loves me as I am, not as I think I ought to be. Trying to gain the characteristics of other amazing women that are not compatible with who I am, will only cause me frustration and I don't need it.
Now I am focusing on accepting the present me, delving into using the abilities I've been blessed with, and seeking to know and follow God's purpose for me in everyday life.
