K.I.T.

A while back I was discussing with Adam that it was somewhat frustrating that it seemed that, whenever I communicate with friends from high school or college, it would be because I initiated the contact. It seemed like I was always the one making the effort to stay in touch. Adam asked me if I was the one that generally planned the activities and coordinated gatherings and that was probably true as well. It makes sense that established patterns would be continued. The issue with me was that it felt like I was the only one wanting to keep in touch because I made all of the effort. I was struggling with wanting to feel wanted and pursued. I think that it can be true that I try to hold on to friendships/relationships after their time has expired. I am quite aware that there are seasonal people that are not meant to be lifelong friends, but generally I like my friends so much that I don’t want any of them to be seasonal. However, it is also impossible to sustain a lot of close relationships. And I’m not one to have a lot of surface relationships. I much prefer having a few with deep roots. Still, it’s hard to let go of any. Despite my craziness, God still loves me and shows his love for me. Twice, I’ve been struggling with not hearing from someone who I really want to stay in contact with and then they’ve called when I have pretty much given up hope of ever hearing from them. I know that God can and will provide me with the friendships and supports I need if I will just trust him and ask him.

I think that I’ve gotten better with this issue. In face-to-face interactions with friends, we generally do most of the contacting. We usually understand that people are just busy. There are times when the feelings of frustration arise a bit and I have to remind myself that it’s just life. I’m not going to stop trying to keep up with people just because I don’t want to do all of the initiating. If I did that, I would be pretty lonely. If I want to maintain friendships, then I have to be okay with the work that is involved.

I’m curious as to whether anyone else has struggled with this. If so, what have you done?