Saturday, May 8, 2010

It's been a long time...

I promise I haven't given up blogging. I had a baby in March which has taken up all of my time since then. I don't know if I mentioned that I was pregnant, but now I'm a mom! Pretty crazy. But also pretty awesome. My little girl was born four weeks early, but she was strong and healthy and we were pretty much ready for her arrival. My husband's work had thrown a shower the day before and given us a Pack-n-Play which has come in quite handy.

I had a c-section because baby girl was breech so it was a while before I got to see and hold her. Not my ideal birthing experience. Because of the way KB came into the world, I didn't really feel overwhelming love for her. There was definitely an instant care and concern wanting her to be okay and checking her during the first night to make sure she was still breathing (I still do that when she sleeps for long stretches at night). It didn't feel like love, but I guess love for a child is different than the romantic love I have been used to experiencing with my husband. I should be comparing it more to how I feel about my parents and brother, I suppose (I'm just now working this out in my mind).

My parents came for a few weeks and were a lot of help. It was nice when it became just the three of us so that we could start working on a routine. We're definitely getting there. KB is sleeping more at nights (awesome) and I am figuring out the best times to do certain tasks during the day. I'm going to start transitioning back to work on Monday so that will be interesting. Yesterday I tested out the infant carrier that allows KB to be attached to me and gives me two free hands. That may come in quite handy in the office (I'm very blessed to be able to take her with me when I go back).

Adam's parents, sister, and nephews (almost 4 and 19 months) arrived yesterday. They wore KB out with their energy and excitement which helped her to sleep for 8(!) hours last night. I was anticipating their arrival and looking forward to having others to entertain her while I was able to do other things (like write a blog entry, eat a hot breakfast, and shower). While that is a benefit, I have also found something I didn't anticipate: mommy protectiveness. I'm watching the boys interact with her and trying not to jump in to the situation. She starts getting a little fussy and I want to take her from whoever is holding her and cuddle her. She starts yawning and I want to lay her down right away instead of allowing her to interact with family a bit longer. I actually started missing being alone with her. Quite a surprising revelation to me. At the same time I am glad that everyone is here and getting to spend time with KB. I will probably miss some of the break I am getting but am glad to know how strong my feelings for KB are.

Related to the main theme of the blog, I really haven't had any structured quiet time since KB has been born. I've been able to do a little reading here and there. Most of my prayers have been about KB - gaining weight, eating well, etc. I went to prayer group on Thursday which was quite beneficial and encouraging. It helped me to see that there are plenty of opportunities for prayer - about every three hours when it's time to feed KB are wonderful opportunities. I knew that everything would change in this regard, and am working to figure out the best method for my changed schedule. I definitely want to return to verse memorization. In the early weeks when KB was fussy I was trying to recall verses to share with her and realized that my recollection has decreased. So that's a goal now.

I promise that all future posts will not be about motherhood, but that's now my life so it will definitely be part of it. Hopefully I will also be able to make time to talk about what I'm learning and experiencing and share with with you here. Thanks for not giving up on me!

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