Explicit Lyrics Week 6

I know I'm a little behind in posting this. I was in the nursery during service and then out of town at a wedding the following weekend. Regardless I figured it'd be nice to finish up the series for those who might be interested. You can listen to all six messages here. Below are my notes.

Our Song: In It For the Long Haul
Song of Songs 8:5-14

Jeff asked all of the couples if they have a song. I would probably have to say that "Not Fire Not Ice" is our song because it's what we danced to at our reception. However, we both really enjoy Sister Hazel so they could be considered the background noise of our relationship.

In SoS 8:5 Beloved is building Solomon up.
From verses 6-7 Jeff gave us seven aspects of love:

1. Love is personal - a seal is a mark of ownership
2. Love is protective - fighting for and not against one another
3. Love is powerful - as strong as death
4. Love is possessive - you should be one another's ONLY love (good jealousy)
5. Love is passionate - burns like a fire (white hot, consistent, continuous)
6. Love perseveres - water cannot quench it, rivers cannot wash it away (endures hardship)
7. Love is priceless - you can buy sex, but not love; it can only be given

Marriage is supposed to be a display of God's love. What picture of God is our marriage giving to others? Does our marriage display the seven aspects of love to others?

Beloved's brothers (v 8-9) protected her purity in childhood. A lot of what happens in childhood affects our freedom in our marriage. If you didn't have a perfect childhood, God can heal your past.

Challenge to parents to guard their children's purity. In our culture, chastity is not a virtue, it's a joke. That's why parents need to teach them what God says. Don't believe the lie that they are "just going to do it anyway." We are all fully aware of ourselves and choose who to give ourselves to. Help them to see their value and worth so that they don't act like they are cheap or easy.

We all have failed relationally at some point. We have to believe that God can heal anyone and anything.

Personal application: I need to really consider my marriage and what it is revealing about God. Do we demonstrate the seven aspects of love toward one another and others?
I loved the challenge to parents. I am not yet a parent, but I have a passion for encouraging young women to pursue purity. It's essentially the basis for the book I'm writing. I need to continue to work diligently toward it's completion as this message is relevant and needed.

Explicit Lyrics Week 5

Extended Play: Keeping Passion Alive
Song of Songs 7:1-8:3

Message Notes:
At the beginning of the scripture Solomon is once again verbally complimenting his wife, this time starting with the feet and working his way up. Jeff mentioned that only those who were trusted in a household were allowed to wear sandals because it meant they were free to come and go as they pleased. Obviously Solomon trusted his wife. He gave her freedom rather than controlling her.

Verse 4 indicates the importance of privacy and confidentiality in one's marriage so that both partners can feel safe and be free to be honest and vulnerable.

Romance is about giving to one another. Appreciating, valuing and respecting one another. Romance dies when we forget about the preciousness of our mate.

When was the last time you verbally expressed admiration or appreciation to your spouse?

Take time to notice the big and little things your spouse does in/for your marriage.

Never in Song of Songs is there domination of one person over the other. It is a relationship of mutual respect and service.

Early on it was in your nature to be romantic. Later, it must become a discipline. Busyness is the enemy of romance.

To have what you once had, you must do what you once did. Are there romantic things that we used to do that we no longer do?

Romance is rooted in the spontaneous and the unexpected. To get what you've never had, you must do what you've never done.

How can we make sure that our best days are still ahead of us?

Personal application: I should think about what I did to romance Adam when we were dating and determine whether I continue to do those things. If not, I should start to incorporate them into my expressions of love for him. I need to make sure I am letting him know that I appreciate him for who he is and what he does.

Explicit Lyrics Week 4

Note: You may be wondering what happened to week 3. Adam and I were on vacation in Aruba so I will have to listen to the message and post a response later.

Broken Records: When Love Breaks Your Heart
Song of Songs 5:2-6:13

Jeff started out talking about seven major areas of conflict in marriage: communication, finances, sex, raising children, work, in-laws, and major illnesses. Adam and I agreed that three of the last four were not relevant at present to our marriage.

We learned that the number one cause of relational conflict is selfishness and the number one trait for diffusing conflict is humility.

I was already quite aware of selfishness' role in relational conflict. I have been struggling lately with selflessness. I hate admitting that I'm selfish and yet no one would be surprised to hear me say it. The fact is, we all naturally care most about ourselves and our wants and we have to work hard to change our mindset to consider others. It has been a prayer request of mine for quite some time. I can see how my selfishness keeps me from being more loving and considerate of others, especially my spouse. I hate that that's the case but I suppose acknowledgement is the first part of change.

Anywho, in the section of Scripture, we see Beloved choosing her own desires over showing love to Solomon. We also see her seeking to remedy her mistake by searching for Solomon so that she can apologize. And we also see that Solomon does not react negatively to her rejection, but continues to demonstrate his love in spite of his hurt.

That's certainly an example we all can learn from. I know my natural response when hurt is to figure out how the other person can feel as I feel. Now, I generally try to let this thought pass in order to be able to share feelings in a non-hurt, non-aggressive way. However, it goes against every inclination to be loving toward whoever has hurt me. I know that that is what Jesus did, and I want to be like him, but this attitude requires a lot of work and effort.

Jeff said there was research (did not hear source) that found that couples who pray and read their Bible every day (not necessarily together) have a likelihood of divorce of 1 in 1150 couples. Those couples that go to church but do not have these two disciplines have a likelihood of 6 in 10 just like the national average.

He also said that the first nine years of marriage are the toughest. Adam pointed out that we're a third of the way through...

We were told that the bridge from selfishness to humility is service and communication.

We were asked to ponder the following questions in relation to our marriage: Am I giving or demanding in my relationship? Offering or withdrawing? Depositing or taking away? Generous or stingy with affection? Open-handed or close-handed? Easy or hard to get along with?

We are also supposed to sit down and communicate openly and honestly with our spouse about our marriage.

Our final thought was: Fake it until you make it. Act loving until you feel loving.

My personal question from this was how do you distinguish selfishness from legitimate need? There are things that you want your spouse to do for you. Are these things desired from selfishness or are they reasonable requests, things it is okay to ask for? The hard thing for me is to express what I want because there's always the fear of rejection if nothing results. It's one thing to have a need that isn't met because it isn't known. When a need is expressed and then not met, what are you to think? Does the other person not care enough to act? Do they not realize its importance to you? Are they just not able to do it? There are so many unknowns that it's a little scary to be transparent. But I guess that's a risk that one must be willing to take. A need unexpressed will almost always go unfulfilled. One expressed has at least a 50% chance of being met. Those odds are quite a bit better.

So what's my application? Continue to pray and seek to lay aside my selfishness in my relationships. To continue to express love despite what I am receiving (to not let my emotions decide my actions, but truth and what is right).